I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
