Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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