my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
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dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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