Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
