She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
