I want to make a zoo with you.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
