I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
