NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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