you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
