Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
