I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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