Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
