i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
