I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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