the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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