dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
