Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
