bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
