Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
