no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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