Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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