the condom got lost in my hair
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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