I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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