Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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