By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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