We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
