Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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