Umm I'm too high to move.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
