I'm lost and stupid without you.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
