Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he thought i was a dude.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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