Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
