Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
