Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
