how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Boobs speak an international language.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
