I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
