Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
