If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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