Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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