We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
