Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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