Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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