God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
