false alarm. still invincible.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
