the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
