Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
