at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
