well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize