FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
