He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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