If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is it because I queefed?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
