Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
