Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We had sex on a dog bed..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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