Only a mothe r could love this liver
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
