Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
