Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
