Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
