He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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