Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
