your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
