all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
