I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
