Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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