I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
