do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
