They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
