Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
