yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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