I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up under a house in Key West
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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