Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
